Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
