who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
