do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
