I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ttyl tear gas
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
