Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think a kid would responsible me up
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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