I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
