my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
