Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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