I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
