why didn't you poke me back
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
