My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
