Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
