All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
