I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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