If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
