chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
