Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
