i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
