i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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