i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
