I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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