I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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