I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
