it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
