oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
