Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
