Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
