How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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