good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
