I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
