I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
