i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
