4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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