my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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