i can't believe i had my finger in that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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