just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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