The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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