I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
