Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
