girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
