I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
