why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
