i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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