It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
