I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
