You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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