there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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