Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
