worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
last night I used snow as a chaser
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