ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
