If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
