Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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