Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
