she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
