Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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